Shiny Ads No Longer Impress

Shiny Ads No Longer Impress

By Megan Pearson, University of Idaho

As a slight introvert, the internet has always been a friend of mine. Nothing says “I love you” like a night of How I Met Your Mother and a pint of chocolate ice cream. I have never been particularly good at sports either so, I spent my nights blogging about punk rock bands and british TV shows. Who knew that this internet addiction would actually help me later in life?
Since I’ve been going to the University of Idaho, I’ve been told a lot of “facts”. Everyone wants to prove that, because they are going to a formidable four year institution, they know everything. Let’s be clear, most of these people know nothing about the topics that flow from their mouths. Yeah, I said it, ducks don’t breathe out of their bottoms when they go under the water. I have been told ridiculous things. For example, my friend tried to convince me that burping after drinking root beer caused throat cancer. My friend is a filthy liar.
So, in light of all of the lies that follow me lately, I decided that I was going to start researching every one of these topics and weed out the crap. Everyone should, in theory, be searching these topics that they talk about but they don’t. People are people and that means that they are inherently gullible. After I started researching, I was expecting everyone to be happy that they knew the truth. I was wrong! These stuck up college kids want to believe the lies because it creates a much more magical and mysterious world. Isn’t that why Harry Potter was so successful? Get out of your imaginary lands kids, I’m about to slap you with some truth.
It is basically pointless to try to earn money from completing surveys. Alex Gaskarth’s brother didn’t die from suicide. There is not a crystal pyramid under the ocean, yet. That new diet pill you heard about, it doesn’t really work. The new photography app will not make you look like Beyonce`. Nobody can look like Beyonce`. Better men than you have tried and failed. And lastly, there are absolutely no hot singles in your area that are looking for you.
This is how the internet has changed my life. I am no longer deluded by the shiny ads that spring up everywhere. I refuse to believe the “fact” apps and I will never again look up stupid state laws.

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